Pictures of David Cameron frolicking in Corsica last week have made waves across the country. 'Dadbod'-gate might have broken the internet if we hadn't all been prepared following Kim Kardashian's bottom incident.
Poor guy. Imagine, the first day of your holiday. You've spent the last six months sitting behind a desk, the only exercise you've done involved swinging your children around the garden. And then you finally get away, take your top of and 'oh, oh, my eyes' the world's social media accounts splash pictures of your tanless tum with captions worthy of Mean Girls (it's a chick flick, ask your wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister she'll know).
But we've got your back guys, with just a few simple tips (no we aren't about to tell you how to get a six-pack in 10 minutes, we'll save that for Men's Health) you can avoid this horror and channel the other D.C (Daniel Craig) on the beach.
1. Tight is not alright
Buying the size you wish you were, rather than the size you actually are is not going to hold that paunch in. No, instead it will spill over the sides like a rolled up tube of toothpaste. Not a good look. If you're aren't sure of your actual waist then buy big - that's what drawstrings are for. And no matter how much you want them, tailored, fitted shorts do not work unless you have a six pack. Elasticated waist (when fitted right) are much more flattering for the Dadbod.
2. Cover up
Take a cool linen shirt, crisp t-shirt or even a rash vest for the first few days on the beach. Any of the above will protect you from sunburn and other holiday-maker's eyes... Although be warned, swimming in a t-shirt is only acceptable when you're under 13, so if you're swimming, lying down or on a private beach topless is fine.
3. Hide Hobbit feet
Ah men's holiday footwear. The sight of my father trudging around the South of France in trainers and his socks pulled up to his knees has stayed with me my whole life - yes it was because my two sisters and I had managed to paint his toenails while he was sleeping, but still. Socks and trainers no. Socks and sandals definitely no. Sandals and long toenails even bigger no. And Crocs never! So what to wear? Go for a quality boat shoe like Swims, which come in bright colours and are rubber rather than suede so will stand the sea, sand and sun. Equally, neutral canvas pumps - slip on or lace-up are a good option. Leave flip flops to Australian's in London in mid-winter.
4. Hat off (or on?)
Hats are surprisingly difficult to pull off. Caps are for celebrities and celebrities' children, while the Panama hat has become a staple for most middle-aged men's holiday wardrobe - nothing says banker on holiday like a Panama hat, but that doesn't mean they suit everyone. If you're not yet into your midlife then go for something more contemporary like Lock & Co's Jive or Napoli hats, which come with thinner rims and darker straw. Most importantly get a hat that fits.
5. Don't feel the burn
Nothing, nothing screams Brit abroad more than patches of blazing sun burn glimmering in the evening breeze. It is worse to be sunburnt than to have a vampire-white Dadbod so suncream is vital. 'I don't burn' is not an excuse. Malin + Goetz does a great non-greasy SPF, which comes in 50ml tubes - easy to slip into someone else's beach bag without them noticing.